Today was suppose to be one of my happiest days, but in a complete turn of events has managed to be probably the hardest day of my life.
I went for my 14 week prenatal only to find out that my baby hadn't grown since the last time we were there. It had no heartbeat either. It was just laying there.
It was so obvious that the baby wasn't alive that the doctor didn't have to tell me. I could tell just by looking at the monitor. And one by one the tears began to fall and have not stopped.
My heart is completely shattered. I don't know what to say or feel. I just feel like a complete failure as a wife and ultimately as a woman.
I know it's not my fault or the doctors or anyone for that matter, but as a human I can't help but feel like maybe there was something I could've done differently. Wishful thinking I guess. But the truth of the matter is that my baby is gone.
My hubby is trying so hard to comfort me, but really right this minute I can't feel comfort. All I feel is pain and heartache. They say that "God knows why he does what he does." I get that and by no means do I blame God or question his actions, but gosh it just hurts so much.
In a blink of an eye all my hopes and dreams and plans were wiped away. Yes, we can try again. Yes, if I believe we'll get a second chance... but in the meantime my baby is gone and nothing I say or do can bring her/him back.
At this very moment all I can do is cry.
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