It's supposed to be your first father's day!

So.

Today is supposed to be my due date. June 16th, 2013. However, chubster obviously has no intention of showing up today. I feel a tad bit crampy and tired, but I'm not in labor, so I think it's safe to say... "he's not coming today."

40 weeks!

But.
Today is also Father's Day! So although not officially Officially Officially a daddy, hubby and I still celebrated by making ourselves some bomb carne asada dinner. We stayed home and just relaxed. I mean after our late night out yesterday, we needed the time out. Just he and I.

Father's Day Dinner

So.
Although baby isn't here we're now hoping he comes on hubby's birthday... which is Tuesday, June 18th. I hope so. It would mean so much to my hubby. I can see it in his eyes whenever he says it. So (talking to baby bump) please come on Tuesday.... daddy and mommy really want to meet ya already!

In the meantime.
It's still father's day and I haven't been able to stop thinking of the two men that were always there for me from day one. My father and my grandfather. Lord knows I would not be whom I am today without those two. I so thank God for placing them in my life because unlike many, I know what a true father is because they never failed me. Amen to these wonderful men. Hubby included :)

My daddy-o and I.... waaaaaaay back!

My viejito Alejandro :) Miss him dearly!

Hubby and I

Emotional

I woke up today feeling very emotional. I mean earlier today I was sobbing my heart away at how scared I am. Maybe it had to do with a nightmare that I had (which btw, did NOT involve my baby). But got me in the wrong kind of mood. I don't even know why, but I was just feeling down. And I've come to realize that indeed, I am scared and somewhat overwhelmed with knowing that this month without a doubt Alejandro will be here. Don't get me wrong, I want him here! It's just that it suddenly hit me that I will now be in charge of not only my happiness, but the happiness and well being of an innocent little human being that for nine months I've carried in my womb. How can something so exciting be so frightening as well? I mean seriously.... lol. Maybe I'm scared that it's all ending... my pregnancy I mean. Because let me tell you that although I've had some rough days, I've had many more awesome days. Days in which all I've wanted to do is sit/lay there and feel him move inside. I've felt accomplished and for the first time ever, as a woman with PCOS I've felt "normal." 

Does that even make sense to anyone? Maybe to someone who's battled infertility for ten years it does. Or someone who really thought this would never happen. I mean seriously, up until November 2011 I had given up all hope of ever conceiving. And after my miscarriage last year I was completely broken. And today I can't help but think about the baby I lost last year. I know things happen for a reason, but it still hurts to know that she isn't here. It's sad and very scary.

But don't worry, I'm sure it's just my hormones acting all crazy prior to my BIG day! I'm sure that when I see my little Alejandro for the first time and they place him on my chest I will be the happiest woman ever. It'll be amazing... and all these emotions will fade into oblivion because I will finally see the fruit of my womb. Ahhhh how exciting!

Any who, I wonder if others experience this roller coaster just prior to delivery? Or maybe it's just me :/ lol.

Pregnancy Update

 How far Along?

I'm 37 weeks today (aka FULL TERM!)

How big is Baby?

According to my Sprout Pregnancy app on the iPhone baby is somewhere around 6 1/2 pounds and 19 inches long.

How am I feeling?

Feeling pretty good. Lazy at times, but most of the time just good and relaxed. 

Weight?

I haven't weighed myself this week, but at my last appointment I had gained about 27 pounds. 

What do I miss?

Hiking, doing 5k's, and biking. Who would've thunk! I guess because the weather has been beautiful and perfect for those activities that I just can't wait to get back out there (only this time with my little chubster). 

Symptoms?

Peeing like CRAZY! And I don't know why, but when I'm laying down seems like that's when I gots to go even more! lol

Cravings?

Mango. Mango. and Mango. I do crave other fruits as well, but Mango is little Alejandro's favorite :)

Highlights of the week?

Two things. One he's full term now! Which means he can come any day now :) and Two... we got his cool new stroller. I never ever thought getting baby gear would make me so happy. I couldn't even sleep just imagining having him in it and going for a stroll. :)

The bump

I was getting ready to head on to work when I looked int he mirror and Lord behold, this is what I saw!

I laugh because for along time I just saw myself as chubby, but today wow I could tell HE's really in there. It just became sooooo real! Glad I caught this because truth be told, I haven't really taken any bump pics this pregnancy. So yeah.... 33 weeks 4 days :) About four to seven weeks left!!! eeeeek!

Engaged!

No, not me! I'm married 'member?!? lol

But my chubster... we went to our prenatal today and doc checked on him and sure enough baby is now head down and fully engaged! On other exciting news, he's now measuring right on target. I am beyond ecstatic! To think that soon... real soon he'll be here. :) Yay!

30 Weeks!

I still cannot believe I've made it this far. I feel so lucky and blessed. God willing, in 10 weeks or less we will have our little rainbow baby here with us. I'm excited and oh so nervous!

So our little Alejandro was already measuring 30 weeks at our 28 week ultrasound, so I'm thinking he's probably measuring 32 now. I wonder if the doc will change EDD if he keeps it up.

Of course like any new mom I keep second guessing weather I'll be a good mom, if my baby will have what it needs, will things be okay? And I have to remind myself that things will be just as they need to be. That God chose this time for us for a reason.

We shall see as I have an upcoming appointment this wednesday. I also hope I get to see and hear his little heart beating away. I LOVE to hear him! It's the most amazing feeling ever :)

Wish us luck and as always keep us in your prayers :)

The Not-Nursery

At first hubby and I thought about giving the baby his own room, his nursery. But after careful thought and sudden first time parent anxiousness we changed our mind. You see the room we want to use is far from our bedroom and I just can't do it. I can't see me leaving my chubster so far from me. And our bedroom gets pretty cold. Sooooo.... the solution was to create a calming space for both baby and us. We've already painted the room a beautiful green called "safari green" and bought a few pieces from ikea to fill the space. We still need to get a shelving unit and a queen bed for us to sleep in. We figure when baby gets older we can ween ourselves back to our bedroom and he can have his own space.

I've also done some baby shopping the past couple of months. I've gotten my start-up cloth diaper stash, some wipes, a few newborn outfits, some 3 month outfits, receiving blankets, grooming kit, etc.

Just thinking about the baby being here is making me sooooooo excited. I know it's going to be hard, but my goodness we've waited soooo long! I can't wait!

28 Week Prenatal Appointment

Appointment went great. Got to see chubster's little heart beating away. We also got to see him on screen where he was showing off the family jewels like always! LOL... Every time I see him I feel that he is looking more and more like my hubby. At least his body type. His legs are long and slim. Nothing like mine, which are short and chubby...lol. Don't get me wrong, he IS chubby! According to doc's measurements, he's a little over 3# already! That pretty much measures him at 30 weeks. Dr. wasn't too concerned, but did reiterate to try to eat healthy sensible meals. He said to keep taking the metformin and try to walk at least 30 minutes daily. All of which I'm doing :)

Doc asked me about my maternity leave and he is suggesting maybe 3-4 weeks pre-labor. So, that would mean mid May. I am so excited about that! But at the same time I could probably go a little further. We'll see how I feel about it down the road.

Since I'm now in the third trimester doc wants to see me every other week. So my next appointment is April 10th.

Third Trimester

It's hard to believe I've made it this far. It is something I truly never imagined would happen. To think, in a few more weeks my beautiful little man will be in my arms brings such joy to me. I'm seriously considering having another one soon after if this pregnancy continues without complications :) lol. . . I mean I've been lucky. very lucky. Nausea here and there, but close to no morning sickness whatsoever. I have to say I've loved being pregnant thus far. I specially love laying in bed and feeling him kick away. Last time hubby and I were cuddling and we could both feel him kick hubby. It was the most precious thing ever.

24 Week Prenatal and Glucose Tolerance Test

I had my appointment with another doctor today because mine was out for the day. I was a little bummed, but turned out she was pretty nice after all. It was quick, but non-eventful. She had us look and hear little man's heart. It was beautiful as always. Then she went over our last ultrasound results where it tested for defects, etc. Thank God... everything came back within normal limits, so for now all is good :) 

I almost forgot to mention that prior to seeing the doc I was asked to take the dreaded glucose tolerance test. It was so sweet and stale. Tasted like a flat orange soda. Sadly, I forgot to take my metformin that morning, so I'm pretty sure that's gonna effect my results. :/

Any who, results should be in later on. In the meantime I'm taking comfort in knowing that baby boy is coming up as healthy as can be :)

It's a.....

BOY!

14w5d!

Hubby and I went in to start our prenatal care yesterday. To say that I was nervous and scared is putting it lightly. After what happened last time we both were extremely scared.

However, things are good thus far. Dr. Brisinger decided to check abdominally after I told him about how far along I thought I was. And within seconds we found this beautiful treasure:

The baby looked so cute and plump...lol. We even got to see him/her reach up and kick it's little legs in the air. I was mesmerized by it. Hubby asked about how far along and the doctor confirmed that the baby was measuring at exactly 14w5d. I was so happy because I knew it was somewhere between 13-14 weeks... so that means baby is growing perfectly. Yay us! Our next appointment is next month on the 23rd. Hopefully we'll be able to find out the sex too! :) Yayayayayay!

I am pregnant.

“Today I am pregnant and I love my baby.”

“I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise.”

“My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage.”

“Just because a friend/relative is having a miscarriage, does not mean that it will happen to me.”

Miscarriage and pregnancy complications are not contagious, only fear and stress are.

“Hope does not make bad things happen.” You cannot “jinx” your pregnancy by getting excited or telling someone. Live in the positive.

“There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening.” Worrying yourself sick doesn’t prevent a miscarriage. “And if (gods forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive.”

I knew it!

Positive Pregnancy Test :)

I am truly excited and scared all at the same time. It's so unexpected what with everything

that happened in the last month. But I have to remember that God is in control of everything and that things will be okay. Everything will be okay. Please keep us in your prayers.

Completely Heartbroken

Today was suppose to be one of my happiest days, but in a complete turn of events has managed to be probably the hardest day of my life.

I went for my 14 week prenatal only to find out that my baby hadn't grown since the last time we were there. It had no heartbeat either. It was just laying there.

It was so obvious that the baby wasn't alive that the doctor didn't have to tell me. I could tell just by looking at the monitor. And one by one the tears began to fall and have not stopped.

My heart is completely shattered. I don't know what to say or feel. I just feel like a complete failure as a wife and ultimately as a woman.

I know it's not my fault or the doctors or anyone for that matter, but as a human I can't help but feel like maybe there was something I could've done differently. Wishful thinking I guess. But the truth of the matter is that my baby is gone.

My hubby is trying so hard to comfort me, but really right this minute I can't feel comfort. All I feel is pain and heartache. They say that "God knows why he does what he does." I get that and by no means do I blame God or question his actions, but gosh it just hurts so much.

In a blink of an eye all my hopes and dreams and plans were wiped away. Yes, we can try again. Yes, if I believe we'll get a second chance... but in the meantime my baby is gone and nothing I say or do can bring her/him back.

At this very moment all I can do is cry.

2nd Prenatal Visit

Hubby and I had our second prenatal appointment today. I have to admit I was sooooo nervous. The past two weeks were an emotional rollercoaster because I didn't want to get my hopes up. But as it turns out, everything was just fine. The baby has grown sooooo much! The baby measured exactly 8w 3d so I'm keeping my previously given due date.

It's weird, because this appointment was completely different from my last. Seeing my baby there (so big) made me so happy.

I told the doctor I hadn't really experienced any morning sickness just the occasional nausea. He said that it's very rare, but normal. He said I was quite lucky in fact.

So here's my little bean who now looks more like a little gummy bear. So, so, so precious! My next appointment is not till late February, so he/she will be completely bigger by then. I can't wait!

After the appointment we headed over to Wingstop. I had never been. It was so yummy. Specially the fries. OMG delish! Ahaha... I'm turning into such a fatty! Oh, but before I forget I find it completely precious how happy my hubby is. He's being so supportive and loving. It just makes me realize even more how lucky I am. I totally married an awesome guy! BTW, he's gained 5lbs since we got pregnant! Ahaha... so precious! LOL.

Just Breathe

This week has been hard for me psychologically. From watching my body go haywire to simply not feeling like myself. Luckily, I have the most loving and nurturing husband who held me and simply told me to "breathe." It actually works.

Just now he took me on a walk and I was able to do just that. I was able to see that I'm just like every other woman out there who is worried about one thing or another because ultimately we know everything is out of our control. I realized I have to have faith and trust that Diosito and La Virgensita know what they're doing. I have to believe that everything is going to be alright.

I mean seriously, I can't be stressing myself over every little thing. I'm also going to limit my goggling of things because seriously, that's a disaster waiting to happen. LOL.

Pregnancy Update-6 Weeks

How Far Along?: 6 Weeks
How Big is the Baby?: Lentil!
How Am I Feeling?: Not so hot. I'm happy about my pregnancy, but I'm definitely not feeling hot at all.
Weight?: Scared to weigh in! Yesterday was Christmas eve and we made the tamales 'member?!? Oyyy.
How I'm Changing?: I'm a hormonal mess this week. I'm tired, hungry, and bloated.
Symptoms: Still peeing a lot. My breasts are swollen and very sensitive to touch. I've been very emotional lately... full of worries, and am seeing slight signs of nausea. Not to the point of vomiting or anything like that, but have sudden moments of blehhh. One symptom that has attacked me wholeheartedly is constipation. Ughh I feel BLOATED. Pants that fit me perfectly last week feel tight around my waist and I just feel fat. I hate feeling bloated! 
Cravings: Nothing really. 
Highlights of the Week: Not a good thing...but felt bad trying on my clothes I felt very bloated. It's too soon for me to show, so I know this crap is all gas! Booo!!!
Next Doc Appointment: C'mon Tuesday, December 27th @ 330pm!!!!

Not feeling so hot.

There. I said it. I'm so freakin' constipated it's horrible. I've always been pretty regular and since I began my pregnancy that's been haywire. Today I had a scare though. I went to the restroom to release and I somehow smelled blood so I looked down at the TP to check and low and behold there was blood there. I got so scared. I still am a bit, but they say it could be from straining to poop. Ughhh. Talk about stress. I feel horrible today. Hubby and I were supposed to go out to the movies, but now I just want to lay in bed and cry. The thought of losing my baby was too much to handle. Thank God I have a doctor's appointment next Tuesday because I seriously have all these questions and concerns that I need answers to. I need to know my little monkey is okay in there. I wish I could talk to my mom or sis about these things, but I don't want to tell them yet. It's too fragile right now. Bleh. I tell ya' being pregnant is beautiful, but so so so scary at the same time. Welp. . . for now this is it. I'll try to relax myself and drink plenty of fluids and go for a walk later. I need fresh air. Maybe if I feel better we'll get to that movie date.  Poor hubby :(

Baby Names...

Happy Tuesday y'all! Christmas is just around the corner. Personally, I can't wait! I'm so happy and feel quite blessed this year that all I could think about is my appointment next week. eeeeek.

Manuel and I continued our Christmas shopping last night. We're not done yet, but we're getting there. Any who, while in transit we began talking about baby names. I think I had mentioned previously that I liked the name Paulina Elizabeth, but the hubby quickly nixed it. He did not like Paulina at all. I just smiled and threw out other names. So one after another we talked about the pro's and con's and the reasons why we should pick whatever name and we made a decision.

Drum roll please..........

Well, if we have a girl she'll be named "Victoria Elizabeth" and if we have a boy he'll be named "Alejandro".

I love the way Victoria Elizabeth sound together. It sounds like such a strong name. We decided to stick with Elizabeth in honor of my mom. Her middle name is Elizabeth. I've always loved it. She, not so much, but she'll love it when her grandaughter is named after her...hehehe. She's just been through so much and is so strong that I had to name her after her. The name will always remind me of our struggle and our fight to conceive after 9 long years. I'm sure our daughter will love her name too.

But of course, we have to pick a boys name in the event that we're blessed with our little man. Between you and I, hubby and I think it'll be a boy.... hehehe. We decided on Alejandro in honor of my grandfather. He's been such a big part of my life that I would love my baby boy to carry his name. We're really thinking "Jorge Alejandro," but George is my sis' hubby's name and well seemed odd naming my baby after him... although it would be for my other grandfather...lol. So we're still thinking on a first name. Or we might stick with simply "Alejandro".

Any suggestions? ideas? How would you pick your kiddos names?