My Big Girl

My nice just turned 10! I'm so happy for her, but so scared at the same time. She's now in the pre-teen years and if I remember correctly, changes are coming! eeeek!

My sis threw a little family get-together in her honor. Hubby and I went over to celebrate, but having a newborn is difficult. I felt so paranoid that it was either too hot outside or too cold. Not my usual self, but at least we were there for her. 

Any who, wishing this lil mama all the best as she grows into a beautiful young lady. May God keep her out of harms way and never let her lose that innocence. Love her!

It's supposed to be your first father's day!

So.

Today is supposed to be my due date. June 16th, 2013. However, chubster obviously has no intention of showing up today. I feel a tad bit crampy and tired, but I'm not in labor, so I think it's safe to say... "he's not coming today."

40 weeks!

But.
Today is also Father's Day! So although not officially Officially Officially a daddy, hubby and I still celebrated by making ourselves some bomb carne asada dinner. We stayed home and just relaxed. I mean after our late night out yesterday, we needed the time out. Just he and I.

Father's Day Dinner

So.
Although baby isn't here we're now hoping he comes on hubby's birthday... which is Tuesday, June 18th. I hope so. It would mean so much to my hubby. I can see it in his eyes whenever he says it. So (talking to baby bump) please come on Tuesday.... daddy and mommy really want to meet ya already!

In the meantime.
It's still father's day and I haven't been able to stop thinking of the two men that were always there for me from day one. My father and my grandfather. Lord knows I would not be whom I am today without those two. I so thank God for placing them in my life because unlike many, I know what a true father is because they never failed me. Amen to these wonderful men. Hubby included :)

My daddy-o and I.... waaaaaaay back!

My viejito Alejandro :) Miss him dearly!

Hubby and I

Pearl is 1!

I cannot believe this little mamas just turned one... it feels like time just flew and continues to fly. I still remember when she was born. She had the chubbiest arms and so much strength that she could almost hold her head up from the day she was born. Aghhh... time needs to slow down. 

Funny how being at her first birthday party I started thinking about what I want to do for my little one... mind you, he's not even born yet! LOL.... 

Any who, Happy Birthday to my third little mama's. May God continue to bless you with that beautiful smile and happy go lucky personality. May you have a long, happy, healthy, and successful life filled with lots of love and happy times. 

Muahhhs!

Feliz Dia de las Madres

Although not officially a mother yet, I'm feeling the love this Mothers Day :)

Hubby (and baby) bought me these pretty roses and took me out to dinner. :) definitely, felt loved :)

Any who, Happy Dia de las Madres to all my Latina mommies out there! 

Descanso Gardens

It's spring break! And one of my favorite things to do while on break is visit gardens/arboratums. I kept seeing posts from friends on facebook about Descanso Gardens, so I told hubby we should go and visit. Since I knew my sis and nieces where going to be home too we decided to invite them along.

It was a beautiful day! The first thing we saw once getting there was the beautiful tulip garden. Yes, spring was in the air.

We took a bunch of pictures of the girls in the garden. This one is my absolute favorite!

Toward the end of our little field trip we sat under a white chinese cherry blossom tree, ate snacks, and watched little Pearl entertain herself. She is such a character. We clapped for her when she crawled by herself and she would join in and smile with such pride. 

It got me thinking of doing things like these with my little boy once he's here. It's funny how the little things can bring such joy to us. 

Any who, again, if you live in So. Cal definitely check out the Descanso Gardens!

Our 10th Anniversary

On Friday, Manuel and I celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary.  We invited my mom, sis, bro, and their better halfs to join us at Casa Sanchez for dinner and mariachi. It was such good times! The food was yummy, the music was awesome, and the company was the best. I am so happy to be married to such a wonderful man... the father of this wonderful little baby growing inside of me :) Before leaving I wanted to take the opportunity to tell my family about the baby, so I told my little niece to share a picture with everyone and she was more than happy to do so. She was ecstatic as was everyone else.

Like I said, good times :)

14w5d!

Hubby and I went in to start our prenatal care yesterday. To say that I was nervous and scared is putting it lightly. After what happened last time we both were extremely scared.

However, things are good thus far. Dr. Brisinger decided to check abdominally after I told him about how far along I thought I was. And within seconds we found this beautiful treasure:

The baby looked so cute and plump...lol. We even got to see him/her reach up and kick it's little legs in the air. I was mesmerized by it. Hubby asked about how far along and the doctor confirmed that the baby was measuring at exactly 14w5d. I was so happy because I knew it was somewhere between 13-14 weeks... so that means baby is growing perfectly. Yay us! Our next appointment is next month on the 23rd. Hopefully we'll be able to find out the sex too! :) Yayayayayay!

RIP Abuelito

My grandfather was an awesome man. He lived a humble life. Always thinking about others and hardly ever of himself. He was the kind of man that would just bring happiness to everyone he encountered. The kind of human I can only dream of ever being. I felt awful when he passed, but never did I doubt that he'd make it to heaven. I keep telling myself "how could he not?" He was the best.

The family.

I truly miss him, but at the same time I am happy he is in a better place. I enjoyed his presence in my life. I enjoyed every bit of him. His stories, his jokes, his little shiny eyes, but most of all his contagious smile.

Saddest day thus far. Carrying our abuelito to his final resting place.

It makes me happy to know that at 86 he was able to see not only his grandkids, but his great grandkids. It's funny to think that when we were little and we behaved he prized us with a quarter and with the grandkids he prized them with dollars.

Angie and Clarice holding grandpa's portrait.

No matter what he never forgot about the familia. He always made time for us and showed us that you can be an active Cristian without forgetting about your human family. He never ever made us feel less for not being religious. And for that I thank him. I thank him for his undying love and his never ending faith in God.

Baby Pearl, Jackie, George, Angie, Omar, Grandma, me, Mom, Luis, and Martha next to my grandpa's tomb.

It is his faith that kept us together. It is his faith that allows me to believe that now my baby is up in heaven enjoying his great grandfather. I think thats why I find comfort in his death. Because my grandfather and my child are together now.

The primos, George, Luis, and Manuel giving their final respects to grandpa

I feel bad for the heartache my family is going through, but I know if we stick together through these hard times things will be alright. I know we'll heal. I know life will go on.

Rest in peace abuelito. I love you so much.

So much has happened....

I've had a pretty eventful May... it's been a hectic one to say the least. But a positive one :)Let's see... well, a major event was that my little niece was born. Her name is Pearl Charlize. She weighed 8lbs 14.5oz. An adorable little baby who is probably the calmest baby I've met. She looks just like her daddy too! I'm very happy to have her in my life and although we are TTC I feel perfectly fine around her... God, has truly blessed me with patience and love for her. I was scared that I'd be ridden with jealousy but thank GOD that is not the case :)My temps have been all over the place. So much so that it just upsets me to think about them. Seriously, I have no idea what is going on. I feel like maybe the metformin has stopped working? I don't know the MC seems to truly have affected my hormones because I'm on day 40 and no sign of ovulation :(... I haven't gained or lost any weight either, so I don't know... I'm stumped. Regardless, I'm gonna try to think positive and pray things straighten out soon.

Happy Birthday to Salvador!

That would be my step-dad. He is such a sweetheart. Always there for my mom and my nieces. He truly is a gem :)

Hubby and I took him, my mom, and my nieces to the Arboratium and then to lunch at Olive Garden. It was nice and sunny... perfect weather for a nice walk through the park. Everyone enjoyed themselves on our walk and by the end were starving enough to truly enjoy our meal at the Olive Garden.

The Week Behind

I went back to work and have decided that although I lost my precious baby I would get back up and grow from this experience. Things seem to be moving right along. Although, I do have my moments. Some days in which I feel like it's a good day and then others in which I just want to crawl into bed and cry. But I've come to understand that this is normal. And IT'S OKAY.

Work was work. A million things to do, but at times no motivation to do them. Not many people have approached me about my pregnancy, but I truly think they've noticed since my bump is gone. I'm kind of glad they're being this way because I don't have to answer any questions.

In the afternoons my hubby and I go on walks (1-2 miles). They feel great. They're very therapeutic I feel.
Today, we even went over to my grandma's for some dinner. She had made some fish and "tornejas" which by the way were delicious. We spent a few hours there and she seemed very happy to have us. It was nice spending some time with her. Then we headed home and watched some tv. I knocked out. I don't know why, but it just felt like a long week. I also knocked out because I needed to sleep since we're going on a hike tomorrow. Hubby and I are taking the pups to Solstice Canyon in Malibu. Should be fun...

Any who, that was my week. Not stress free, but a good week nonetheless.

Growing A Garden Full of Love

It's a beautiful day out. God sure is shining it's sun down on me today. Had a doctors appointment earlier today. Everything looks ok. He seemed very optimistic. Still have a small clot that needs to make it's way out, but Dr. didn't seem too concerned. But he did schedule me in to see him again in two weeks.

On another note, the day is pretty. I asked hubby to stop over at Target and we did. Somehow we managed to make it over to the gardening section. It was so pretty and inspiring to see all those colors and got a bunch of different ideas as to what I want to do.

While there, we decided to grab some seeds and grow some veggies, herbs, and a couple flowers. Hopefully they'll take. Here are all the goodies we got.

Once home we went out to the back patio and got our hands dirty. It's such a hard time in our lives, but somehow we're closer than we ever have been. Our baby is the best thing that's ever happened to us. My hubby kept telling me how much he loved me and was enjoying getting to do this with him. I felt truly loved. We were out there a while. Finally we finished planting and brought some inside. They'll be ready for some sun in about 8 weeks. A few stayed outside. I'm gonna try and take weekly pictures of the progress. We're actually very excited. LOL.

Later on we went over to my brothers house where my mom and step dad made some seafood soup. It was so good. We got to spend some much needed family time. It was nice. I really do love them with all my heart and am glad I have them all in my life. Luckily, we didn't talk about the miscarriage. It's just something I'm not ready to do yet. It's too painful to share. But good times were had and I'm sure my little angel had a lot to do with me enjoying myself.

Welp, that was my day. Full of sunshine. Hope you enjoyed yours and made the best of it.

Facebook is not the place to find out that your dad got re-married...

My father and I use to be so close. For as long as I remember, he was the man who I looked up to and trusted with everything going on. I had him up on a pedestal.

Then I became an adult and he separated from my mom. Then everything I thought was....simply wasn't. Once as we were having an argument I called him out on the fact that he didn't come around anymore. His response was "you're an adult." I didn't even know how to respond, but his remark made it pretty clear. He was no longer willing to partake in my life.

So he began living with this much younger woman (younger than I), had three new kids, and there was simply no room for me or my siblings. At least that is how I saw it. Now, let me clear something up. I never once gave him grief about anything anymore. I figured, he's a grown man and he knows what's right and what's not.

It's now been almost 10 years since we've had an actual heart to heart. I don't recognize the man he's become. I can't hug him without feeling awkward. It's like he's not father anymore.

The most contact we've had in a couple of years was his "friend request" through Facebook. A request I accepted to maybe somehow keep up with each other's daily lives.

He lives no more than 30 minutes away, but somehow that's the only way I've been able to see what he's been up to. But never ever did I expect it to be the way I'd find out he was getting married.

Now, let me be clear. I'm not upset that he got married... or who he married. I'm upset he didn't tell me. Seeing his wedding pictures broke me. I realized I was no longer a part of him. It also doesn't help that he only invited my sister. Somehow they've been able to keep in contact because they have children of similar ages. It sucks feeling like the odd man out. I cried for hours while my hubby held me. I cried thinking that my child will never know his grandfather the way I knew him. He/she will never laugh at his jokes or be held by him. Not because I don't want him to be involved but simply because he no longer exists.

My heart is broken y'all. I never imagined I'd be a grown woman with "daddy issues." I never imagined turning 18 would end a relationship that was supposed to be forever.

So I began to pray to God and ask him to look out for him and guide him and surround him with love and health. Hate would be easy right now. But with my own child coming soon I have no room in my heart for that. My child deserves a happy and healthy mom. And that is exactly what I'll give him/her. Like always praying and talking with God always helps. I felt great relief. It's funny, God always knows how to make me feel better. And I will be forever thankful for all the vivid memories I have of my father. I forgive him.

Telling the Family

We did it! We told the family! I know it's early and anything can happen, but I felt like we needed to do so. When it came down to it if anything happened I'll need their support.

After doing so, we've realized we did the right thing. My mom's reaction was priceless. She was in such disbelief. I could tell how happy she was for us. My brother was so happy and my sister even cried of joy. My brother in law George hugged me and congratulated us.

The best reaction was from my two nieces. Clarice was so happy she didn't even know how to react. She came over and told me that this was her greatest wish only that she never told me. She then looked up and thanked God. Then Angie got down and kissed my belly. It was the sweetest thing ever!

I can honestly say that right this minute I am sooooo happy. I feel so blessed to have such a supportive and loving family. They are the best!

Baby Names...

Happy Tuesday y'all! Christmas is just around the corner. Personally, I can't wait! I'm so happy and feel quite blessed this year that all I could think about is my appointment next week. eeeeek.

Manuel and I continued our Christmas shopping last night. We're not done yet, but we're getting there. Any who, while in transit we began talking about baby names. I think I had mentioned previously that I liked the name Paulina Elizabeth, but the hubby quickly nixed it. He did not like Paulina at all. I just smiled and threw out other names. So one after another we talked about the pro's and con's and the reasons why we should pick whatever name and we made a decision.

Drum roll please..........

Well, if we have a girl she'll be named "Victoria Elizabeth" and if we have a boy he'll be named "Alejandro".

I love the way Victoria Elizabeth sound together. It sounds like such a strong name. We decided to stick with Elizabeth in honor of my mom. Her middle name is Elizabeth. I've always loved it. She, not so much, but she'll love it when her grandaughter is named after her...hehehe. She's just been through so much and is so strong that I had to name her after her. The name will always remind me of our struggle and our fight to conceive after 9 long years. I'm sure our daughter will love her name too.

But of course, we have to pick a boys name in the event that we're blessed with our little man. Between you and I, hubby and I think it'll be a boy.... hehehe. We decided on Alejandro in honor of my grandfather. He's been such a big part of my life that I would love my baby boy to carry his name. We're really thinking "Jorge Alejandro," but George is my sis' hubby's name and well seemed odd naming my baby after him... although it would be for my other grandfather...lol. So we're still thinking on a first name. Or we might stick with simply "Alejandro".

Any suggestions? ideas? How would you pick your kiddos names?

Congrats Jackie & George!!!!!

My sis surprised me last night. She told me she was engaged! Not only that, but that she and her boyfriend fiancé decided to get married tomorrow August 15. Of course I asked.... are you pregnant? Hahaha, but she said "no." They both said they wanted to get married on their anniversary. So of course, being the supportive sis that I am I gave them my blessings. I think George is a wonderful guy who's taken on the role of not only boyfriend for my sis, but step-dad to my beautiful nieces. He truly is a keeper. I am happy for her. And of course my sis is wonderful, so they both win.

They got married in a little chapel off of Miracle Mile here in Los Angeles. It was a nice and small ceremony. I'm very happy for them and wish them a long life filled with happiness, health, and love.

Here's the new fam bam....

Let the baby-makin' begin!

The hubby and I began doing the "baby dance" last night.... eeeeeeek. So excited! and Nervous! But more than anything very happy. Nothing is for sure and the way my system is who knows, but I'm staying positive that soon we'll have our little bundle of joy :) Keep us in your prayers :)....

30 Day Challenge-Day 11

Your current relationship.

Well, I'm married. Have been for the past 8 years. We'll be 9 in December. We've had our ups and downs, but as time passes we've learned to understand each other better and have really learned how we work as a couple. We don't have any kids, but the subject has been luring around for a couple of years, but because of my PCOS had been postponed. But as of last week we have decided to officially try to get pregnant again. It's going to be a lot of work because of this darn PCOS, but we can't help but be super excited about it. We'll start working on it as soon as this period of mine ceases (which should be any minute now). So excited :) and nervous. . .

Wish us luck!

Guess Who Finally Came to Town?

LOL. I'm probably the only girl who gets super excited when this happens. Why you ask? Well, because it hardly ever comes and when it does I feel normal. I feel like the woman that I am. Even though I've got cramps, feel bloated, my boobs hurt, and I'm such an emotional roller coaster, I can't help but get excited to think that my body will finally get with it. I mean I'm 31 and I would LOVE to have a beautiful healthy baby soon..... how awesome would that be? But I gotta take it slow... one day at a time... and when God decides it'll happen. :) It will happen.

Happy Birthday Clarice!

Clarice is my niece. She came into this world at a time in which I was trying to get pregnant. No matter what the hubby and I did... it just wasn't happening. So when I found out my sis was pregnant I couldn't help but feel sad and a bit jealous. That didn't last though. I turned my energy around and began to spoil her rotten. I realized that Clarice was a gift not only to my sister, but to me as well. She has a very lively personality. I often call her "the teenager" because she acts so grown up. And today at 7:11p.m. she'll be turning 8. In my heart though, she'll forever be my baby.

Clarice and I