Emotional

I woke up today feeling very emotional. I mean earlier today I was sobbing my heart away at how scared I am. Maybe it had to do with a nightmare that I had (which btw, did NOT involve my baby). But got me in the wrong kind of mood. I don't even know why, but I was just feeling down. And I've come to realize that indeed, I am scared and somewhat overwhelmed with knowing that this month without a doubt Alejandro will be here. Don't get me wrong, I want him here! It's just that it suddenly hit me that I will now be in charge of not only my happiness, but the happiness and well being of an innocent little human being that for nine months I've carried in my womb. How can something so exciting be so frightening as well? I mean seriously.... lol. Maybe I'm scared that it's all ending... my pregnancy I mean. Because let me tell you that although I've had some rough days, I've had many more awesome days. Days in which all I've wanted to do is sit/lay there and feel him move inside. I've felt accomplished and for the first time ever, as a woman with PCOS I've felt "normal." 

Does that even make sense to anyone? Maybe to someone who's battled infertility for ten years it does. Or someone who really thought this would never happen. I mean seriously, up until November 2011 I had given up all hope of ever conceiving. And after my miscarriage last year I was completely broken. And today I can't help but think about the baby I lost last year. I know things happen for a reason, but it still hurts to know that she isn't here. It's sad and very scary.

But don't worry, I'm sure it's just my hormones acting all crazy prior to my BIG day! I'm sure that when I see my little Alejandro for the first time and they place him on my chest I will be the happiest woman ever. It'll be amazing... and all these emotions will fade into oblivion because I will finally see the fruit of my womb. Ahhhh how exciting!

Any who, I wonder if others experience this roller coaster just prior to delivery? Or maybe it's just me :/ lol.