Music

I've been up since late last night cleaning and dusting and cleaning and dusting. Yesterday was a good day. As good as it can get after what happened. I was feeling optimistic and energized. But then I got emotional and I haven't been able to shake that feeling. I'm really trying to keep myself busy and not make too much noise as hubby got a little sick. He's fine, just a cold. But it got me thinking of how much he means to me and how different things would be without him. I am just so darn lucky to have him in my life. I hope he feels better soon.

So in order for me not to wake him I put my iPod on and listened to music as I cleaned. I put Pandora and it immediately started playing the last station I created; which just happened to be a Whitney Houston station. I created it when she passed to remember her for her great music. Any who, the first song that started playing was "Dreaming of You" By Selena. Oh my Lord, it hit me hard. Because that is exactly what I had been doing. I'd been staying up all night since I found out and talking to God and my little sweet angel. Dreaming, I guess.



I just broke down in tears as silently as I could. At that moment I realized I'm going to have some really good days and some really low ones. Things are going to happen that are going to trigger those emotions and feelings and I'll break down. I'm okay with that. It's a part of grieving, but gosh it's a hard one.

So just when I'm sobbing and feeling my heart come out of my chest another song comes on. This song is "When you Believe" by Whitney Houston. It is beautiful. I couldn't believe how comforting it was to hear it. It was as if God and my Angel were telling me not to give up. To just believe. And soon not only will things be alright, but if I believe maybe there will be that miracle.



It could all just be a coincidence, but at this moment I'll take any little glimpse of hope that God offers me.